||[Apr. 30th, 2007|03:01 pm]
I got in a car accident on Friday while driving to Newport News. My car spun off the left side of the road into the mud. It apparently jumped in the air a few feet somewhere in the process (or so I was told by a witness.) I didn't hit anyone or anything, except mud. I'm not sure how many times i spun around (Once or twice) or how far i traveled. I am fine, but it scared the crap out of me. My car is not. The front bumper came almost entirely off. Some kind of wheel casing did come off. I blew a tire (presumably from the jump) and there are dents along the bottom of the passenger side (from something i spun into, i guess. I never felt myself hit anything.) They took the car to a garage in West Point, David picked me up at the Dairy Queen, and I had my weekend. I took the train home, and today my mother had to drive me to work. I never cared, before, when I just didn't drive. Now I care, because I had the autonomy and lost it. Now, they are afraid the car may be totaled because of damage underneath. It was so covered in mud, that they can't tell by looking. They are going to have to take parts of it off to find out. I am really upset about this. After the accident, I didn't start crying until I looked at my car. My poor car. I really like my car. It is stupid, because it is a material possession and what matters is that I am OK. It took me so long to find a car i liked that was in good condition. I had to get my mom to agree to that car because it was a little more than she wanted to pay. It is such a good little car. It didn't do anything wrong. Yes, I am personifying my car. If you are just joining us, I do that to pretty much everything. Sorry. The last thing i want to do is have to get a new car. |
Even worse, I think, than my attachment to the car, is what all of this means. Even if it isn't totaled, my accident means that I can not be trusted with being an adult. I can't make a 3 hour drive that I have done before safely. I wasn't going super fast, it wasn't raining at the time, the road did not appear to be wet. From all accounts I can tell there is little I could have done to prevent this. And that sucks. It makes me feel like I cannot be trusted to drive a car, I cannot be trusted with things worth a lot of money. I simply cannot be trusted. Why am I not still living at home? Why am i trying to masquerade as an adult? I am trying to go to grad school, spend money i don't have on another education that may or may not help me get a job. Everything I try to do costs money, and I am constantly reminded that not everyone has these chances. Most people don't get to barely work for a year, take off 3 months to finish applications. I am spoiled and i am unfit to be an adult. And that is all I want to be. I want to be responsible. I want to be autonomous. I don't want to owe my mother any more. And now i've made her insurance rates go up and I may have to buy a new car.
To top it off, the cop who came to the scene gave me a summons for reckless driving, because I caused an accident. I understand this, but I just wish i knew what i could have been doing to prevent it. Drive slower, maybe, but I was driving speed of traffic. I wasn't fiddling with my radio or anything that would be taking away my attention. I wasn't even eating or drinking. I wasn't doing anything, and i still crashed. How is lecturing me in court and making me cry going to help? Just give me the ticket and send me to driving school.
Now I have to go call the insurance company and give a statement. I really don't want to do this. Constantly retelling and describing in what detail you can remember that time you thought you were going to die isn't something I recommend.
And to anyone who heard through the grapevine and called to check on me, I appreciate it. I will call you back.